Nanara

So low lately..

Posted on January 20th, 2010 by Nanara.
Categories: Uncategorized.

Sorry it’s been so long since I last put up a post.  My LJ account just sort of swallowed it whole.  Besides I’ve had a lot of real personal shit going on for the last few months that really shouldn’t be aired on a publicly accessible blog.

Well, I did it.  I resigned my post as a moderator on OKC.  And I’m going to do my darnedest to stay resigned.  Though, we’ll see my resolve when the next drama arrives.  Lol. The decision has made me incredibly sad.  But, it’s either this or leave OKC altogether… so it’s the lesser of two evils.  I just hope this works to ease my stress and upset.  Because if it doesn’t and I still feel like this… I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I don’t know if I could turn my back on my friends, the community and Clody, Eternity, Yakshini and Loh.  Could I just walk away?  After all that I’ve experienced, learnt and done with OKC?  I think it would completely break my heart if I did.  If I do get the super dooper rich and famous sci fi dream I’ve been fighting to get for nearly twenty years I may still have to.  A twenty year old dream unfortunately trumps a three year old family… or perhaps not… perhaps if I get it I can balance the two.  Just as long as not too many people find out about my involvement in OKC… then we’d get inundated with fans and crap… or people’d think I’m fraking nuts and stop reading my shit.  Neither would be good.

Though… the way I’ve been feeling lately… I wonder if anything I want in life is going to happen.. no matter how hard I work at it.

Anyway… just deleted a huge rant… now I’m going to bed.  Feeling depressed, unloved and unwanted.   Hopefully I wake up feeling better.

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